Sun in My Mouth
by Orenji Kaniku
Summary: He won. Everyone prayed that Harry Potter would win and he did, but at a price he wished he never had to pay.


**TITLE**: Sun in My Mouth   
**AUTHOR**: Orenji Kaniku   
**EMAIL**: orenjikanikuyahoo.com   
**PAIRING**: RL/HP   
**OTHER** **PAIRINGS**: minor HG/SS and implied RW/LL   
**RATING**: R   
**WARNINGS**: strong language, angst, war violence, sensuality, and disturbing images **DISCLAIMER**: I do not own Harry Potter.   
**NOTES**: This fic is part of the 'Mortal Moon' Harry/Remus Challenge: 17) Either Harry or Remus loses one (or more) of his senses. How does he adjust? (superswipergirl)   
Also, I got the tidbit about the Blasting Curse from a resource book. That is not from my imagination.  
This is one of the more fluffier pieces that you'll get from me. It's rather embarrassing really. . . ;)   
**BETA**: Aureus Flosculus   
  
_"I will take the sun in my mouth   
And leap into the ripe air alive   
With closed eyes   
To dash against darkness"-_ Bjork, Sun in My Mouth  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
He crawled on all fours, ignoring the immense pain in his torn-up side. He coughed a mouthful of blood. In all honesty, Remus Lupin didn't really expect to survive the rest of the night if no one came to comb out the survivors of the god-awful war. He didn't even know where Harry Potter was. He moaned, and let himself fall onto his stomach, his nose resting in a nest of dirt.  
  
Remus had three, give or take, Death Eaters on his back when Voldemort, with his wide red cat-like eyes, claimed Harry Potter, his large pale spider hands with their unnaturally long fingers curling around the teenager's arms. Remus panicked, and while he desperately tried to get his aggressors from his body, he was struck with a hex that straightened his spine and curled his toes. Remus didn't know what had occurred between the previously disappeared wizards known as Voldemort and Harry. They didn't seem to be gone but more than a few minutes when a blinding flash filled the sky. Remus felt strength rise in his chest that belonged to three healthy wizards. It could have been a minute or more than a couple of hours, a couple of long hours.  
  
The scene around him brought back memories of World War II, the horrible photographs he'd managed to gaze upon years later. The burning flesh of the present filled his flaring nostrils until the bile spewed from his mouth. Broken snaps of wands stuck into the ground, along with the dead bodies of wizards he wished he didn't recognize.  
  
He looked up at the flapping of wings. The screeching echoed in the caverns of his ears and he wondered for a slight second if it were the Angel of Death coming to claim him. Realization hit him so hard he almost forgot to breathe; she was coming from the East, where the sun rises. "Hedwig?" She swooped in an urgent fashion, pulling at his shabby cloak. "Where's Harry?" She screeched and grabbed on to a beak full of his graying hair gently, bringing him to his feet.  
  
Remus stumbled as he watched the eighteen-year-old's snow owl circle back until finally the werewolf's keen ears picked up on the rush of water flowing freely; he could smell the water with his nose. A violent thirst hit him like a tidal wave upon the rocks at bay. He fell back to his hands and knees, crawling more urgently as ever to the seemingly dead body that lay in the shallow shores of the bank.  
  
"Harry!" Remus froze before his cold hands could touch the body. He prayed that he wasn't actually dead, although his lips were blue and he looked as if he were about to break. Blood seeped from his closed lids in streams of thick strawberry syrup. He jumped when Harry's chest rose, and fell out of the water and whirled around so quickly at the sound of footsteps behind him that he felt the world turn and confuse his mind.  
  
"Lupin! Remus Lupin!"  
  
Remus barley managed a tired smile when Ron Weasley's dirty face came into full focus, hobbling towards him with a team of medical wizards bearing the crossing bone-and-wand emblem across the lime-green material.  
  
"All the way from London. Absolutely amazing." Remus clutched Harry's hand in his own, the hand of the man he loved, before falling into oblivion.

-----  
  
Remus was startled from his uneasy dreams when his sensitive ears pricked up on an abdabing scream. He sat up and instinctively touched his side, which was fully healed, though only a slight bit tender to touch. His surroundings were sterile and painted pure white. The windows were covered with a long black drape decorated with a pale moon sky twinkling stars for him.  
  
"Get away from me!" He glared at the wall, recalling the face that belonged to the voice. Harry Potter.  
  
"Mr. Potter, if you would just calm down--" An obviously male voice shouted over the younger man's shrieks and sobs.  
  
"I can't see, you fucking prick! I asked you to turn on the lights! Please, will you just turn them on?"  
  
Remus grabbed the white robe from the chair next to him, where a nurse must have left it to be used when the time came for him to awaken. He ran a hand through his graying hair and stepped out of the room. He was shamefully amused at the small crowd of hospital staff that Harry had managed to frighten off in his pandemonium. He pushed his way to the room and gasped when he found Harry curled up at the head of his bed and a bandage wrapped around his head, concealing his eyes.  
  
"Harry," Remus said softly. Harry immediately reached out for him, the only voice he could recognize. He grasped the young wizard's cheeks firmly in his big hands and stared through the bandages where his eyes were. "Please calm down."  
  
Harry gave a shaky exhale and turned into Remus's touch before asking, "Why can't I see, Remus?" Harry's fingers clutched, individually it seemed, to his hospital robes, moving as if they were desperate to catch on to the vision itself. Remus was at a loss for words as he watched the gracefully long digits try to suck in every detail of the cloth.  
  
"Why can't he see, Healers?" Remus snapped.  
  
"Harry, you're blind. Your eyes have been scratched and punctured so dramatically by. . . He-Who-" Remus cut him off with a sound of disapproval, and saying to the doctor as he said to Molly Weasley before this ordeal had begun at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place,  
  
"He's dead; you might as well get use to hearing the name, Doctor." The man nodded and gave a huge sigh before continuing.  
  
"Harry, your eyes were obviously scratched to the point where sight is irreparable . . . destroyed by . . . Vo-V-Voldemort." Remus rolled his eyes at the Healer's repetitive stupidity, but was immediately distracted when the hands on his chest began to shake so violently he felt the tremors affect his own body.  
  
"Can't you just charm the bloody sight right back into me? This is a magical hospital, goddamnit!" Harry tried to roll out of Remus's arms and off the bed, but the werewolf grabbed Harry's shoulders. Harry pulled away from his touch as if he had been burnt. "Don't touch me!" He felt his way along the wall to the window. To Remus, Harry reminded him of a newborn kit, the way he used his fingers as the young would use their nose to search for its mother's teat.  
  
Finally, Harry found his way to the window and stood there with his fingers on the window. Remus turned, and was relieved that the small crowd has left; the Healer was the only one who had remained. Harry felt the warmth on his skin through the window. He recalled in Hogwarts on the warmer days with his mates the way the sun would kiss him softly, even inside the dorms when he sat at the window with Hedwig beside him. The warmth was always easy to recognize, even when he woke in the morning and was too tired to open his eyes.  
  
"Is it sunny?"  
  
Remus jumped in surprise at the boy's sudden question. "Yes."  
  
"It's strange; I can feel the warmth, but I'm still so cold inside," Harry whispered, so softly in fact that the only reason Remus had heard in the first place was because he had his keen ears. He would have smiled, because he knew that Harry had intentionally said it softly for only him to hear, but it wasn't a time to be smiling.  
  
The Healer cleared his throat, obviously ready to attempt at explaining to the young adult how his eyes had lost sight. "Harry, we couldn't get your eyes back because the form. . . V-Voldemort . . . hexed you. Do you remember this at all?"  
  
Harry shook his head and wasn't surprised when the voice in the back of his head scolded him for lying. It sounded vaguely like Hermione. Of course he remembered it, how the pain had convulsed his body, causing his hand to tighten around his wand and affecting the very way he screamed; he hadn't even recognized his own voice when he did so. He could remember the look in Voldemort's eyes before he grabbed for his face and hadn't had time to react when Voldemort punctured his way through the sockets. "Remus, I just want to go home. Can we go home?"  
  
Remus glared at the Healer without meaning to. "Yes, let's go home."  
  
"Harry can't just go straight home, Mr. Lupin; he needs therapy and the chance to get used to his new disability." Remus got off the bed and grabbed the man's hospital uniform. The man screamed, bringing Harry to cover his ears and hover into the corner; he didn't know what was happening or what to expect. Remus felt the tears threatening to push their way out of his eyes as he let go of the man and sat on the bed with his head hanging from his shoulders.  
  
"I'm sorry. This is a lot."  
  
The Healer nodded and gave a weak smile. "I understand. Why don't you go to your room and rest? We'll get to work on Mr. Potter's physical therapy and get you set on returning home."  
  
Remus turned to look upon the frightened wizard and sighed. "Yes, the sooner the better."

-----  
  
Harry was released about three months after the war had ended in January of 1998, when the students of Hogwarts had just returned from their holidays. When he had awoken that February morning, Remus and Harry settled back into their little cottage, secluded from the rest of the wizarding society where they could live a life free from Harry's famous name-sake, and Remus's public prejudice.  
  
Harry got used to his surroundings slowly, yelling when he ran into something. He wished everything had stayed in the same place it had been when they had left to fight in the war. Remus never let it bother him. He never corrected Harry, telling him that everything _was_ in the same place it had been when they left for the war.  
  
An owl entered through the window above the pumping sink and landed onto the table, scattering Harry's papers and startling the lad into shoving his book onto the floor. Harry yelled, "Goddamnit!"  
  
The raven black feathers and the golden eyes washed away any doubt of whose owl it was from the werewolf's head. He smiled, suddenly thinking of Severus Snape and his new wife, Hermione, who had been wed when Hermione turned eighteen. The owl, Laverna, had been a late wedding present. Severus didn't want it at first, (he despised birds) but Hermione took it gleefully, arguing that Crookshanks would need someone to play with while they were away. Severus, of course, scowled as he always did and argued back saying that Crookshanks would try to eat the bird and didn't need entertainment, for he had the inside of his eyelids and they had suited him well before and didn't see why he would need a change now.  
  
Remus gave Laverna half of his sandwich and unfolded the parchment, smiling, as he watched the black owl devour her treat while Hedwig, on the cabinet behind Harry, ruffled her feathers in jealousy. Harry gave a small chuckle, causing Remus to stop what he was doing to watch Harry's fingers snake to his own lunch plate and hold out a half of his sandwich. Hedwig hooted, grabbed the sandwich with her beak, and landed on his shoulder to eat. It had been so long since Harry had genuinely laughed that Remus had almost forgotten what it sounded like.  
  
Finally, he began to scan Hermione's pretty slanted handwriting. It read:  
  
_Harry and Remus,  
  
My dearest friends, how are you faring? I didn't see you at St. Mungo's and probably wouldn't know you were still alive if it hadn't been for_ The Daily Prophet, _which printed out the complete obituaries of the war. Voldemort's name had a few dancing doxies twirling around the ugly print with glee. It was rather amusing; Severus even smiled, if you can believe that. The other news I have to bring you isn't good, I regret to say. I had been pregnant at the start of the war. The fighting and general stress of it all caused me to lose the babe. Truthfully, I'm not even close to getting over it, but I can't imagine what it must be like to lose sight, Harry. Severus has a permanent limp on his left leg, the lucky old man! I tried to contact Luna Lovegood, but instead got ahold of Ron, who says she can't hear out of her right ear. Ron still has dreams. He's not quite over everything that has happened. Severus and I shall visit as soon as you give us word that you're ready. I love you both._  
  
_Bye then,  
  
Hermione S._

_   
  
_"What does it say?" Harry asked softly, using his hands as a train on the table's edge to make his way to Remus, who gently tugged at his shirt and scooted over to make room for him on the chair. He put his right hand around Harry and clutched back onto the letter and re-read.  
  
Remus watched Harry's Adam's apple bobble as he swallowed and whispered, "Baby?"  
  
"I'm afraid so." Remus tightened his hold on Harry and buried his nose in the nest of hair that had been constantly tickling his nose as he read. At least now he could enjoy the musky cinnamon smell that was a trademark of Harry's. "She's a strong mare, Harry. She'll have lots of babies within the years."  
  
"But Snape's so. . ." Harry couldn't find the words to finish.  
  
Remus laughed, causing the other to flush. "Old? My dear Harry, he's the same age as I. Thirty-eight is not so bad."  
  
Harry smiled softly and kissed the man, barley missing his lips. "God." Harry bit his own lip and pushed himself away slowly, the pain in his face growing more evident as he felt his way to the sink. Though, he was only able to make it to his destination because Hedwig took her place on his right shoulder and tightened the appropriate foot so Harry knew which way to go. He splashed his face with the unsoaped water that Remus had prepared for the dishes. Harry had left his shaded glasses on.  
  
"Harry." Remus bit his tongue and reached for their unfinished lunch plates. Harry's confidence was so weak that he had restricted himself to barley holding Remus at night when they couldn't sleep.  
  
"I'm sorry, Remus. I can't even kiss you." He slapped the sink full of water and screamed. Hedwig, startled, gave a screech and flew out of the kitchen where she felt she would be safe. Remus took two long strides to the sink and enfolded Harry into his arms. The man thrashed about wildly until Remus had to bring them both to the floor. He shut his hazel eyes and felt he could barley withhold the sob that was boiling in the depths of his chest.  
  
He listened to Harry's cries and curses. He even heard him yell a few words in German, which could be none other than Fred Weasley's doing. The twin made it a point of learning every swear he could think of, in every known language. Last time he talked to his brother, George, he'd been informed that they were learning Arabic, or at least a few words.  
  
Remus watched thick flakes of snow fall from the sky; the wind shoved them against the window making a growing frame of white. They sat there until Remus felt his left cheek growing numb underneath him. Harry was not asleep in his arms but he didn't want to move. His lashes tickled Remus as he blinked.  
  
"Are you calm?"  
  
"No. Exhausted," Harry said with a yawn.  
  
"Do you want some chamomile tea before bed? It'll help you calm your nerves."  
  
Harry moaned softly at the thought of tea with two spoons of honey and chopped lemons on the side. They walked slowly to the bedroom and while Remus boiled water, measured the honey, and chopped the lemons, Harry fell into a light sleep.  
  
_Voldemort had grabbed Harry by his neck. Despite Harry's attempts to free himself, Voldemort's long cold fingers held on as if they were leeches sucking the warm blood from his neck.  
  
"Do you want to know what it's like to be knocked out, Harry James Potter? How it feels to fall into a darkness so deep you wish there were only dementors to keep you company?" Harry gripped his wand like a dagger and stabbed him, though Voldemort only flinched. Harry felt the irritation gnawing at him to hear the monster utter his father's name even though he had been addressing him, not his father.  
  
Voldemort would pay back this boy for all of his hardships. He was only made of flesh and blood, so he would be easy to kill, unlike the last time when fate was not so kind to him. He had survived the Avada Kedavra's rebound, proof that he was the unstoppable Dark Lord. Nothing could stop him; nothing. "I'll show you how it feels!" He used his freehand to grip Harry's temple and squeezed harder until Harry finally stabbed him in the ear with the tip of his wand.  
_  
_"Feel a little bit like that, I wager." Harry rolled over a carcass, coughing and finally pointing his wand directly at his screaming target._  
  
Remus was in the kitchen feeding Hedwig, when he heard Harry yelling in his sleep in the other room. Hedwig ruffled her feathers and flew out of the kitchen before Remus could begin to turn and run. He knocked his side on the edge of the table and tripped over a discarded jumper. He didn't bother to get back on two feet, but shuffled urgently on his hands and feet to the bedroom and hurling himself to where Harry lay screaming.  
  
"Harry! Harry!" Remus was reduced to shaking his shoulders violently with fear swirling in his hazel eyes. "Harry, wake up!"  
  
Harry jolted upright into Remus's waiting arms. He was breathing quickly to match the pace of his racing heart; cold sweat didn't do anything to cool his heated body as he buried his face into the man's smooth neck. "God! God, I can't do this anymore! Why didn't I die? Why didn't I fucking die with the rest of them?"  
  
Remus held him tightly against his body; both of them were shaking with Harry's sobs. He didn't mind that his robes were soaking wet with mucus and salty tears. He'd gone through nothing compared to Harry, who had lost just about every important person he held close to him. He needed him the same way Remus needed Harry at the time of the month when the moon was so piercingly bright he couldn't contain himself, even with the vials of potion that Severus sent faithfully. To be completely honest with himself, Remus didn't really know what to do with Harry at this moment. All he really could do was hold him tight.  
  
Harry startled Remus when he finally decided to speak again. "I didn't know where we were. It looked like we never left at all. Maybe he sent us to another dimension while staying at the battlefield. We left right before Tonks was hit." Harry stopped and shuddered as he let himself see the body of the young pink-haired Auror rip apart with a curse even he couldn't begin to think of. When he thought about it in more detail, Tonks couldn't have held that much blood in her body. He'd caught a peek of a war movie once and the blood sprayed in all directions before the screaming soldier fell to the ground on top of his separate limb.  
  
"He actually began the fight without wands. I don't know how he learned to fight the way he did. I suppose the act of brawling isn't something a human completely shuts out of their system, whether they're wizard or Muggle. He kicked me in the stomach and threw me against a crab apple tree. My vision was doubled and I didn't know which Voldemort, which pasty-faced snake nostriled Voldemort, to pummel. I ran at full speed and went straight through the one I thought was real."  
  
"'Silly Harry,' he said with a smile on his face that could have either been scary or very irritating. I couldn't figure out which one sounded better to me. I was so angry I would have loved to pluck his head right off his body and use it as a fucking Bludger. They have things in the Muggle world called guns that would have made this goddamn war a frolic in the park. Once you get rid of Voldemort, the minions are easy to put away."  
  
Remus didn't know what to think of the anger he heard in Harry's voice, and he was glad that he couldn't see the look in his eyes as he talked. He just sighed and kept their bodies close in the dark, listening.  
  
"I brought my hands up and slammed them onto either side of his head. I saw it on a movie once when Vernon was flipping through the channels and happened to stop on a Chinese-style action film. I think I have a photographic memory. You can really damage the ears doing a move like that."  
  
"He grabbed me by the arm and mounted me from behind. I thought he was going to try and rape me and I flipped. I rolled over, bringing him with me, and we ended up in the creek you found me in after it all ended. We started using wands after we got back on the bank. We used so many blocks and curses that I don't even know what to tell you." Harry told Remus about his dream and continued from there. "Voldemort was pissed. He couldn't hear very well; at least I think he couldn't because he kept yelling at me and cocking his head to the side in order to hear my voice."  
  
"He said, 'I'm not going to use the Unforgivable Curses yet. I'm going to make you suffer.' He was laughing and throwing things at me. I think at the very depth of his soul . . . or whatever he had in replace for a soul, he knew he was going to die. He didn't want to accept it. He charged at me, at close range; a Blasting Curse hurts like all hell." Harry grinned and lifted up his shirt, showing Remus a darker scar that resembled a small explosion. "In the All-England Wizarding Dueling Competition of 1420, Alberta Toothill defeated Samson Wiblin, who was the favorite, using a Blasting Curse. One of the nurses told me that during therapy. He was good company. Can you see it? Is it still there?"  
  
Remus traced the outline with his pinky before taking Harry's hand and guiding his finger around the welted scar. "Yes, it's still there."  
  
"Anyway, he used the Conjunctivitis Curse and that really set my downfall. He grabbed me and started to scratch my back with his long nails. It hurt, but not more than the blasting curse. He was kicking my arse, Remus. I didn't think I was going to survive. Voldemort was shrieking with laughter; his blood was all over me from the ear wounds I had given him. He scratched at me until I moved and he lost three fingernails when he made contact with a rock I had been lying on. It was gross. I could hear the nails rip backwards out of his skin. I tried to crawl away, but the Conjunctivitis screwed up my eyes so bad that I couldn't tell where the hell I was going. I was like a mouse with my fucking head chopped off."  
  
"He followed me to the exact spot you found me and that's where it all ended. He was laughing and coughing, 'I'm gonna get you, little boy! I'm going to rip every limb you have so slowly from your body that you'll be screaming to die. You're lucky that I've indulged in this foreplay.'"  
  
"'Is it really foreplay or can you really not kill me? I have escaped from you more than twice. I don't think you can do it!' Hermione always said I had a big mouth." Remus chuckled at this because he knew it was true. James never knew when to shut up either, and that was what earned him so many detentions during Hogwarts.  
  
"I couldn't clearly see him but I knew he was seething. It rolled from his body in waves. 'Fire! Fire! I'm going to set you on fire!' Voldemort was hurling curses at me left and right. I called his wand with the Disarming Charm. 'YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE AWAY MY WAND? WE'LL SEE WHO'S THE REAL WIZARD HERE, POTTER!' He held out his hands and I was sent back a ways until I got my leg caught on a root. The fucker knew wandless magic, but it's okay because he's dead now." Harry chuckled humorlessly before shaking with rage and curling his hands mercilessly around the sheets. If they could scream, it would be bloody murder.  
  
"He set my robes on fire. . . . I jumped in the creek before I could get burned too badly and finally I snapped his wand. My hands felt like they were burning, with blisters popping and oozing sticky yellow fluid over the skin. Voldemort was screaming while he ripped his shirt from his trousers. He was white, like snow parchment. His muscles were twitching as if he'd been shocked far too many times and his body was just used to the jerky movement. It scared me."  
  
"Why does man shamelessly kill another who is a mirror image of himself? I learned in World History a long time ago that in America there were many racial hate crimes. I don't understand why someone would want to wipe out a single race or group of people so badly that they would do terrible things. It makes me cry sometimes."  
  
"My hands are dirtied with the blood that ran through the veins of my parents' killer. He's all over me, and it won't wash away, no matter how hard I scrub. I killed him with all the hatred I had. I was hit with visions of my parents' death and the torturer of Sirius. Merlin, Voldemort wasn't even human. He lunged for me and charmed the fingernails he had left into growing three inches and stabbed me in the eyes. He whispered something in a language I didn't understand, but when he finally finished, my face felt like it was melting. I used the Unforgivable. . . . He made noises, sickening noises that made my skin churn. I smelled that awful smell in my nostrils and threw up. I woke up in the hospital wing in darkness. That seems pretty simple and easy. Voldemort didn't even know what he was doing, did he?"  
  
Remus sighed and picked Harry up in his arms and took them both to the loo, whispering into Harry's ears, "I think we need to take a bath." He laughed when the raven-haired man scrunched his face up in confusion. "You smell."  
  
"You're not a bloody rose either, Remus." Harry was surprised when he wasn't angry at the sudden normalcy in Remus's voice after he had poured a completely gruesome story of his past to him. Remus always was a good listener and knew what to do when someone really needed his guidance.  
  
Harry sat on the toilet with a towel around his waist (undressed by hand of Remus), listening to Remus hum as he ran warm water. When Remus shuffled in front of him, Harry's hand shot out and gripped what felt like a belt buckle. He smiled when Remus gasped in surprise.  
  
"Come here. If you're to bathe with me, we're going to have to fix your fully clothed manner." He felt the cold metal of the belt Remus wore and worked until he could pull it from the belt loops. He could hear him breathing faster. _Good._ Harry unzipped the man's trousers and slid his hand inside and gripped him softly. "You're warmer than I remember."  
  
"It's been a while," Remus agreed, nodding his head quickly.  
  
Harry frowned and rubbed his thumb over the head, managing to smile when Remus groaned and his legs began to tremble. "I'm sorry."  
  
"For what, Harry?"  
  
"For denying you something you have every right to." He took him inside his mouth, having no trouble at all. It was as if his lips had never forgotten the salty taste of Remus inside his mouth. He teased the tip and pulled away when Remus stumbled. "In the tub, old man."  
  
"I'm not completely undressed." Remus pointed out, grinning. Harry could hear it in his voice.  
  
"You're being smart." His hands snaked up to the buttons on the shirt the older man was wearing and easily slid it off. "Don't get smart with me." Remus pulled the towel from Harry's body and led them both to the tub. Once inside, Harry latched himself to Remus's neck with wet kisses and he suckled softly beneath his ear.  
  
Water sloshed over the side as Harry struggled to straddle the werewolf. He laughed, "I don't suppose you want me to clean that up, do you?"  
  
"Wouldn't dream of it." Remus whispered, leaning up to kiss him, lining his tongue over slightly chapped lips, asking for permission which was undeniably granted. Harry shivered, even in the warm water, and let his hands slide down to Remus's erection.  
  
"This is foreplay. Remember what happened last time we used soap?"  
  
The werewolf grimaced at the memory. Remus had been the guinea pig and had gotten a very suspicious rash on his rear end. He couldn't sit down for days without wanting to itch or take a sleeping potion. "I'd rather not."  
  
Harry laughed and began to lather a washcloth. He didn't have to reach far in order to come in contact with skin to clean. "I don't blame you. His face became serious and he stared straight ahead. "Remus, I'm serious when I say that I'm sorry."  
  
"I know." Remus said, taking the washcloth from Harry and scrubbing the back of his neck. "Harry, something happened to you that would drive most to either insanity or suicide." Harry fiddled with his fingers and was tempted to grab Remus's penis and forget he had started this conversation in the first place. Sex was always a reliable tool when either of them had said something they regretted, though when they were finished they brought it up all over again. "Harry, you're strong. It bothered me that you were in such a depressed state, but I knew you'd see that you were better off blind then dead. You won, you were the victor and Voldemort was a sore loser. He hexed your eyes to irreversible damage, even though scratching your eyes would have been enough. Even for magical hospitals that's something that cannot be fixed."  
  
"I understand." Harry thought of how he let his temper rise with every day of his physical therapy. Magic was magic; it could solve everything. It could bring back the dead, though only a body with no one home inside. Magic wasn't just pulling white rabbits out of hats and pulling coins from behind a child's ear. It was serious business that one shouldn't take lightly. Magic was the reason Harry hated himself sometimes.  
  
"Let's finish washing up and we'll go to bed."  
  
"I'm not sleepy," Harry murmured before pressing his lips against the werewolf's.  
  
"I didn't say anything about sleeping. I said we were going to bed."  
  
Harry laughed and started getting up. "I think we're clean enough."

-----  
  
(2008)  
  
Harry jumped when Daphne shrieked with laughter. Remus was obviously tickling her again. He was washing dishes from the luncheon that Remus had made for their friends. It was Harry's twenty-eight birthday and they had decided to celebrate with only the Snapes and wait for the big Weasley party which would be dated a week later, where Ron and Luna would be.  
  
Severus was no doubt sitting on the patio with a book in hand next to Remus, watching Hermione play a game with Daphne. She was undeniably spoiled when they came to visit either Harry and Remus, or Luna and Ron. Ron and Luna weren't anywhere close to marriage, much less having children. They were an odd pair, but to anyone who cared to look past the fact that Luna was in fact loony and Ron was a hot-tempered Weasley could see that they were very happy together.  
  
"Harry! Come out!" Hermione yelled.  
  
"Yes, Uncle Harry, do come out and play with me!"  
  
Harry pulled his hands out of the soapy water and reached for the drying towel that was in front of him. The window was open and there was a slight breeze. He smelled mountain laurel and fresh grass. Today was a good day. Harry put his hand on the wall. He had graduated from trailing his hand on the wall ages ago but when Daphne was over for the weekend or longer there were usually toys scattered about and things weren't always where they were supposed to be.  
  
He didn't need to walk very far; Daphne and Hermione ran in the house screaming and laughing to come and get him. They attached themselves to each side and guided him outside. Hermione sat in front of Severus, resting her head on his knee. He smiled for a moment before going back to his rather thick book.  
  
"Be a horse!" Daphne, with her very dark brown hair which curled at the ends, pale brown skin, and small black eyes squinting with laughter, jumped on top of Harry's back and hugged his neck. Remus and Severus rose from their seats when Harry gasped and buckled at the surprise of a little body leap onto him.  
  
"Daphne," Severus warned, a dangerous tone to his voice made Harry sorry for the girl. What a terrible man to have as a parent who undoubtedly disciplined very well.  
  
"It's fine, really." Harry cleared his throat loudly and turned his head. "How does the horse go, m'love?"  
  
She giggled and tried to snort her nose. Bogeys came out.  
  
Remus laughed and Harry couldn't help but feel just a little bit grossed out that his shirt had toddler snot all over it.  
  
"She's been getting over the cold, Harry. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you." Hermione said. She sounded genuinely apologetic. Severus however, snickered and held out his arms, inviting Daphne into a warm hug.  
  
"He's rewarding her, isn't he?" Harry asked.  
  
Hermione smoothed her skirt and helped Harry to his feet. "Of course not, Harry-"  
  
"Why ever would I be happy that my daughter blew her bogeys on your back?" Severus asked, voice haughty. He had risen from his seat with Daphne in his arms. She was four, and against his black robes, he was the first thing that could be picked out even if the onlooker had been colorblind. Remus had joked at one point that if there were to be an eclipse, the only thing you could see of Severus would be his pale face, neck, and his hands.  
  
"I think it's time to go inside and play. It's looking like it will pour soon." Remus stood from the grass and brushed off his clothes carefully, never taking his eyes off of Harry standing there with Hermione against him. It was nice to be with their friends and joke, laugh, and play with not only Daphne, but each other.  
  
Almost like it was before.  
  
Hermione had just started folding the blanket carefully when it started to sprinkle. Thunder clapped through the sky and Daphne screamed. She hid her face in the crook of Severus' neck and looked as if she were choking him. Remus took Harry's hand and led them both to the house.  
  
"Baby, it's only thunder. Severus, give her to me." Hermione took Daphne from her husband's grasp and cuddled her against her chest.  
  
"Look." Severus held up his wand and whispered an incantation; the wand twinkled like a sparkler in a fire cracker show and Daphne smiled, reaching out to touch the wand's tip. Severus nodded and asked, "Do you feel warm?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Do you feel scared?" he asked again.  
  
"No." Severus's eyes were shimmering, though it was unclear as to whether it was just the wand's spell or glee.  
  
Remus held Harry from behind in the doorway. "Happy birthday, Harry." He kissed him beneath the ear and squeezed him gently. The green-eyed man turned around in his embrace and gently pushed them out in the hallway.  
  
"Remember your manners, old man." Suddenly his face grew very serious. "Do you know why I didn't kill myself eight years ago?"  
  
"No." Remus didn't ask, because he knew Harry was about to tell him. He always did.  
  
"Because every kiss you gave me, it felt like there was something warm inside my mouth. Like that spell that Severus cast, that makes you warm inside. Like a sun in my mouth. I've known you half my life and I honestly don't know how to operate without you."  
  
"I love you too, Harry."  
  
**_The End_**


End file.
